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Apr. 28th, 2016 @ 05:51 pm Civil War thoughts
Captain America: Civil War, if it had been written in the style of Batman v Superman.

* Daniel Brühl plays Helmut Zemo in his best insane giggling "I wish I was the Joker instead" performance, and is trying to revive HYDRA or something.
* Gwyneth Paltrow, Liv Tyler, and Natalie Portman are brought back as Pepper Potts, Betty Ross, and Jane Foster, for the briefest of cameos before they all get brutally and graphically shot and/or blown up and/or ripped to pieces in the Lagos incident at the beginning of the movie.
* Black Panther and Spiderman are introduced via youtube videos that Helmut Zemo uploaded to the internet.
* In the airport fight scene, half of the Avengers (including the only female Avengers) get killed gruesomely by the other half. OH THE DRAMA!!!
* In the dramatic final showdown, Cap and Iron Man bond over the fact their best friends are called James, and they take on an army of revived Winter Soldiers. Cap needlessly sacrifices himself, as for some strange reason he forgets he has a shield that can absorb and deflect anything.
* The remaining Avengers are all best buds, even though they were killing each other not too long ago, solemnly staring off into the distance while intoning something about "he is coming, we'd better be ready."
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Date:April 28th, 2016 07:35 pm (UTC)
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Thanks to you, I need not even think about seeing this.

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Date:April 28th, 2016 09:44 pm (UTC)
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"This" being BvS, because the plot points he's working off of are derived from that (except the gruesome female killing, which is just something it feels like Zack Snyder would do).

Cap3 was a lot more fun.
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Date:April 28th, 2016 11:52 pm (UTC)
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As Lawrence pointed out, "this" is really Batman v Superman.

Batman v Superman is a complete mess, and has such things as:
- Dave Goyer as one of the writers. He has no idea who some popular superhero characters are, or what the point of them is. If you feel like getting angry, look up who he thought She-Hulk is. It's not a nice answer.
- Lex Luthor acting like The Joker.
- A character from the Superman mythos, who isn't even named on screen, being killed off execution-style because Zack Snyder, the director, thought this would be fun.
- An incredibly hamfisted introduction of other superhero characters into the storyline, hence me likening it to Youtube videos.
- The most hamfisted resolution to a fight between Superman and Batman ever. Also see: Dave Goyer writing this movie.
- It doesn't have female characters being killed off needlessly (and neither does Cap3:Civil War) but that is something Zack Snyder would do.

I'm trying to avoid spoilers to BvS, but it's not a movie I would recommend watching.

Captain America 3 has some similar themes to Batman v Superman, such as "doing worldbuilding for upcoming movies, while telling a movie about public opinion turning against superheroes." Batman v Superman did it in a very shoddy way, but Cap3 actually did it really well. I actually really liked Cap3 and highly recommend it. My main quibble is that it's not a movie you can jump into blind - you have to have seen all the Cap movies, Iron Man movies, and the Avengers movies, at the very least.
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Date:April 29th, 2016 02:11 pm (UTC)
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Honestly, the chances of my seeing any of these were exceedingly slim to start with -- especially Batman vs. Superman, which never made sense to me even as a comic. Big Violence gets tedious so fast for me that I usually can't appreciate either the plot (which can be substantial and nuanced) or the jokes (which can often be quite funny).

I mean, I didn't even like it when Wolverine gave Mystique four claws to the gut, and she *deserved* it.

When someone makes a movie of Sandman, I will be front and center.